What the Realtor REALLY means is…

Since you’re a smart, saavy shopper, you’ve seen descriptions of homes on the market and may even be a bit skeptical of what you’re reading. See, in these tough economic times, Realtors are highly trained professionals who must be as creative as ever to market homes to prospective buyers. The following is a brief synopsis of some of the professional terms used, meant for those with a little sense of humor. ~~~~~

OLD CHARMER – an old and ugly house

STUNNING HOUSE – the house is not ugly

BUILD SWEAT EQUITY – the house is not habitable

BEDROOM IN BASEMENT – basement has a 1′ by 2′ window

CAPE COD – styled after Third World slum dwellings

SUNNY CORNER LOT -noisy intersection of two busy streets

EASY FREEWAY ACCESS – noisy arterial street close to freeway

STORYBOOK – the house is old and the roof is not flat

USABLE LAND – all the trees are gone

WILDLIFE NEARBY -kids and pets get fleas and ticks

DOLL HOUSE – tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks

TUDOR – two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated, very HOT in summer and cold in winter

LOW MAINTENANCE LOT – no yard, the kids will have to play in the street

METICULOUSLY MAINTAINED IN ORIGINAL CONDITION – appliances are 50 years old

READY TO REMODEL –  house is about to collapse, you’ll have to invest twice the asking price in repairs before move-in.

READY TO MOVE IN – the interior has been painted with a coat of cheap paint

1-CAR GARAGE – you can drive your Smart Car into the garage, but there’s no room to open the door

RECREATION ROOM WITH WET BAR – basement has been painted and has a faucet

LOTS OF STORAGE SPACE -basement too small to be called a family room

WATER FRONT VIEW – you can almost see water if you climb the roof and lean to one side

EFFICIENTLY DESIGNED KITCHEN – the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time

COZY – not  a single room could fit a full size bed

THREE SEASON SUNROOM – a small addition the owner could not afford to insulate

CLOSE TO ALL AMENITIES – the backyard is a shopping mall parking lot

MUST SEE INSIDE – the outside is ugly

EASY TO HEAT – see “cozy”

NEAR TRANSPORTATION – Amtrak train goes through backyard every 15 mins, day and night

PET-FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD – organic matter consistently deposited on front lawn

I’m always looking for NEW ones, so send ‘em over!

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